140+ Funny Retirement Quotes & Sayings | Funny One Liners

Retirement is that day of life when you realize that you have given your best efforts to everything and now it's time for you to relax. You look back at all those years of late nights and early mornings, those hurried days and deadlines, some missed lunches and lost clients, you also look upon the success that you brought to the company and now finally it's a peak point where everything ahead wouldn't be easy but at least relaxing. Finally, it's time to say good-bye! You've put in a lot of effort for a long time and are now prepared to retire. Hence, retirement wishes are here to save your day! 

Here are some humorous ways to give employees  happy retirement wishes, whether you're writing a retirement roast speech or just include a joke in a happy retirement card:

  • Never having to use another term at work is what makes me happy. 
     
  • You'll be meeting pals on the golf course while we're meeting deadlines. We don't really despise you. 
     
  • Without getting caught, enjoy online browsing during the working day! 
     
  • Can you take us with you, please? 
     
  • Good luck with your new boss! (PS. It's your husband!.) 
     
  • We're still in disbelief that you weren't let go initially. 
     
  • (For the manager.) You're lucky! You're not required to continue laughing at the boss' jokes. 
     
  • Change your work applications for cat naps now!
     
  • How do you make Monday morning your favorite? Retire! 
     
  • Enjoy your first day of Saturday in retirement. 
     
  • Adulting got you down? Retire now, please! 
     
  • What's this? You've just robbed weekends of all their significance. 
     
  • Stop trying to act like an adult! You may now spend the rest of your day acting like the inner 12-year-old. 
     
  • No more setting the alarm clock to snooze. You've just found the button for retirement. 
     
  • Enjoy your seven-day weekends in the future! 
     
  • You now have a good reason to blow all of your life's savings!
     
  • The person who laughs the last at the boss's jokes is generally close to retiring. 
     
  • ' Woo Hoo to you! You finally get to rest!
     
  • Enough said, you get to live your regiment dream life, give us a part too, man! 
     
  • Tension is over; pension is here! 
     
  • Never lose sight of the impact you had.

Funny Retirement Wishes

Retirement is a time for relaxation, but it may also be unsettling to leave your favourite job and adjust to daily routine adjustments. People are bound to experience nostalgia while retiring. They frequently experience low spirits as a result of their lack of motivation. Hence, make this occasion exciting and fun by including these funny retirement wishes to the retirement card and spread some smiles! 

  • Your entire life is now a holiday, unlike before when you had to wait! Enjoy it.
     
  • Retirement is similar to graduating, except that you will pursue a master's in sloth this time! 
     
  • Considering how well you've performed during the years you've worked, I have no doubt that you'll excel at doing nothing!
     
  • Retirement must be exciting for someone who enjoys lounging about all day! A fantastic time. 
     
  • What may be the ideal moment to retire now that you're wealthy and obese? You've made the right decision! 
     
  • You now have a new employer who is aware of your genuine work ethic, organizing abilities, and justifications. The hardest bosses are spouses. Good fortune!
     
  • Whether you act like a cranky retiree or not, no one will care since they will already be making that assumption. Good luck in handling that.
  • I'm happy for your retirement. You will now be compelled to work on a never-ending project called "doing nothing" that will consume all of your time. 
     
  • You have made sacrifices in your life in order to work harder and make more money, including making sacrifices in your health, family, friends, and relationships. You'll see now that you require these items in order to enjoy retirement. The irony of life is such.
     
  • Regardless of how many college degrees, training programs, or professional certifications you have attained, there is one additional title you will continue to hold after retirement: Master of Doing Nothing. Congratulations. 
     
  • Happy retirement, and don't take yourself too seriously. After all, you were a laid-back worker for the whole time you were employed. Why would you want to alter now? 
     
  • You have given up your health your entire life in order to increase your income and have a happy retirement. You'll now know that maintaining your health will consume all of your financial resources. Congratulations. 
     
  • The body ages, the heart becomes fonder, and the mind gets younger after retirement. Best of luck managing an aged body with a fresh mind. 
     
  • Soon you are going to be happy on a Monday. Guess why? Because you are retired!
     
  • Now you can take 6 month holidays twice a year because you are retired. Happy retirement!
     
  • You are living proof that we all can make it alive in the end. Happy retirement!
     
  • Thank you for opening your position. I was never so glad for your retirement!
     
  • Congrats on being so tired that you had to retire!
     
  • Congratulations on never calling for sick leave again. Happy retirement!
     
  • Say goodbye to tensions and hello to pension.

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Formal retirement wishes

Do you know somebody who recently retired and would appreciate some funny retirement wishes? Sending the recipient some funny retirement greetings is the only effective approach to accomplish this. Find some funny retirement sayings and retirement greetings below to send the retiree a fulfilling and happy retirement wish! 

  • You can never retire from being awesome but of course, we won't be able to see your awesomeness. Happy retirement!
     
  • Can't say this without being teary-eyed. I am going to miss you but don't you miss the office much. Enjoy your retirement.
     
  • Nothing is sadder than losing the best treasure our company had. We will always remember you in good times and bad. Happy retirement buddy!
     
  • Thank you for creating a great atmosphere for your coworkers, they will surely miss you. Happy retirement!
     
  • It's time to work on your hobbies. Make something worth all of your time. Happy retirement!
     
  • Congratulations on entering the field of complete relaxation. You needed it. Happy retirement!
     
  • The immense work you did for this company will always be appreciated. Thank you for your service. Have a great retirement life!
     
  • When people remark that without you, this location won't be the same, what they really mean to say is that it won't be as bothersome. 
     
  • Are you currently retiring? I believed you completed it the day you arrived here. Since when have you ever worked?
     
  • You'd be one of the biggest devils in this workplace's hell, which it is, and you'll be missed. 
     
  • You've probably never encountered somebody who thinks sloths are the laziest creatures. Friend, you were made for retirement. 
     
  • The only person in the workplace who will miss you is me, so don't be misled by everyone else's sentimental remarks.
     
  • I was looking forward to retiring until I met you. I hope I don't get as cranky as you do! 
     
  • Everyone in the office will be looking up to you just at this period. Who wouldn't want to leave this location? 
     
  • Ah, retirement—the time when you may daydream and sleep till noon while doing all you enjoy! 
     
  • You will have weekends every day of the week, which makes me envious. A nice life awaits you! 
     
  • Congratulations on quitting your job without being fired for repeatedly missing deadlines!
     
  • Except for your yelling, grimacing, and essentially just turning up at work, we won't miss you, boss. 
     
  • Because bossing runs in your family, you may now boss us about while your grandchildren and dogs are present.
     
  • I know a lazy guy like you deserves an early retirement! Congrats on your well-deserved leisure.

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Funny retirement wishes for coworker 

With the help of these humorous retirement messages, you may communicate some amusing retiring thoughts in a card, email, caption, or speech. When your boss or a coworker retires, it's usually a happy event where people are searching for a good chuckle. When done effectively, adding some suitable humour may be fantastic since people will laugh with each other rather than at each other. It can need some forethought and practice.
Enjoy the following funny retirement messages for coworkers!
Greetings from the old man's club. It's time to talk about joint discomfort, excessive blood pressure, sugar levels, etc. 

  • Retirement is the sweet ending to life. Keep active, avoid having high blood sugar, and enjoy it! 
     
  • Congratulations on finishing work-life, you lazy-bone! You may now return to your authentic self. 
     
  • I just wanted to say happy retirement to you. However, I don't see much fun going your way with this old, obese physique. 
     
  • Can you believe that as of right now, every day on your calendar is designated as a Sunday? Take advantage of them, and may you always be happy. Gratifying retirement.
     
  • The only thing that will make you understand how much time you wasted trying to be an adult when, at the end of the day, you can go back to being a child is retirement. A fantastic time. 
     
  • It's fascinating to observe that whenever people give you a present for your retirement, a watch or a clock is always included as if to signal that your time is up. Retirement without time constraints 
     
  • Your retirement years will feel like a joyful Friday night every day. However, it is pointless since growing older will make you feel drab and miserable all the time. Heartening retirement to you.
     
  • Over the years, you've engaged in conflict at work with your superiors, subordinates, managers, and coworkers. After retiring, you'll fight at home with your wife, kids, and grandchildren. Life goes on as usual. 
     
  • You have been practicing how to retire, in my opinion, and now the time has come. It should be easy for you to transition into your new position because you are so skilled at it. Enjoy your retirement. 
     
  • I wish you a happy retirement and advise against trying to announce your return since you could be shocked by how others respond. Nobody will return to your workplace or parking spot. Nobody really misses you.

Funny Retirement Quotes 

A perfect funny retirement card for coworker also includes inspirational words in addition to retirement wishes for coworker and funny retirement greetings. Since this is a humorous request, let's inject some laughter into the retirement quotes!

  • “When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right to cooking.” – Gail Sheehy
     
  • “Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.” – Jonathan Clements
     
  • “Retired people compliment my teeth, then tell me to take care of them. This always makes me think they are trying to steal them.” – Emily Claire Tamblyn
     
  • “When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.” – R C Sherriff
     
  • “Retirement can be a great joy if you can figure out how to spend time without spending money.” – Author Unknown
     
  • “People are always asking me when I’m going to retire. Why should I? I’ve got it two ways. I’m still making movies, and I’m a senior citizen, so I can see myself at half price.” – George Burns
     
  • “The concept of freedom is never truly realized until one settles into retirement mode.” – A. Major
     
  • “Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.” – Gene Perret
     
  • “We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work – and then we retire. And what do they give us? A bloody clock.” – Dave Allen
     
  • “When you retire, you switch bosses — from the one who hired you to the one who married you.” – Gene Perret
     
  • “A gold watch is the most appropriate gift for retirement as its recipients have given up so many of their golden hours in a lifetime of service.” – Harry Mahtar
     
  • “First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly, and then you forget to unzip your fly.” – Branch Rickey
     
  • “Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous, When I was sixty-five – I still had pimples.” – George Burns
     
  • “Retirement, we understand, is great if you are busy, rich and healthy. But then, under those conditions, work is great too.” – Bill Vaughan
     
  • “I’ve been attending lots of seminars in my retirement. They’re called naps.” – Harry Emerson Fosdick
     
  • “I’m not just retiring from the company, I’m also retiring from my stress, my commute, My alarm clock, and my iron.” – Hartman Jule

Funny retirement messages 

Not every funny retirement wish for coworker has to be long and boring! Making your retirement wish for coworker short yet sweet is a great way to add a little giggle in your retirement card. Because like they say, a little always goes a long way! Here are a few funny retirement wishes for coworkers to keep your retirement wish card light yet happy!

  • Consider the millions of dollars you have made for your firm over the course of your career, and then consider why you weren't able to retire earlier. 
     
  • You've gone a long way from fretting about your 401K to wondering if there is still Special K in the cupboard. We wish you a happy retirement. 
     
  • Observe a celebration of your accomplishments! 
     
  • It's time to relish life! 
     
  • Your actual journey is waiting. 
     
  • Retired now, but always esteemed. 
     
  • The real fun can now start. 
     
  • Retired yet still young enough to enjoy it. 
     
  • You are leaving so quickly? Allow the fun to continue!
     
  • The mythic and legendary guy is now retiring. 
     
  • Good luck on all of your next excursions. 
     
  • You won't be able to fill your shoes if you're wearing flip-flops.
     
  • What do you call someone on a Monday who is content? Retired. 
     
  • Give me the senior discount because I'm retired. 
     
  • We're going to miss taking care of all of your work so much. 
     
  • I'll go with you! No, can you not be serious? 
     
  • You are living proof that we can all survive this. 
     
  • To us, you're dead. Enjoy your retirement, JK, and keep in contact. 
     
  • Retired and working for a new boss. For information, consult the spouse. 
     
  • Weekends lose all of their importance after retirement. 
     
  • I'm retired, and my wife is my only employer. 
     
  • I'm happy for your retirement. Enjoy yourself wheelie style! 
     
  • Lucky bastard, you! Best wishes from everyone else. 
     
  • We decided that what you're doing doesn't benefit any of us after conducting a vote.

The Takeaway 

Retirement is a significant life event for everyone. After doing this action, one's entire life is changed. Send your affection and a little fun to any retirees you may know in your family or at work. Here, we provide you with some funny retirement farewell wishes that are guaranteed to make the recipient smile. Please read them to acquire suggestions for funny retirement card messages to send to colleagues, coworkers, or even a boss! The nicest thing is that anyone may receive these messages, regardless of gender or occupation. They will remember your comments forever, so wish them a funny happy retirement with some jokes and a little personalization.

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